cyndeebee's blog

Last time I wrote, I was bemoaning the fact that I'd just got paid for a hard month's work - and I was already broke. Every cent of my pay went to rent, utilities, and childcare. I live far away from family and friends, and my last pay brought home the fact that it was ridiculous to stay here. Why? If I'm not getting ahead in any way, why would I live here?
So I'm moving back.
Selling off almost everything I own. The only things we're moving are our clothes, mementoes. I'll keep my kitchen stuff.

Craziness.
I work full-time. At what should be considered a half-decent job.
But I live in the great west...see?
I picked up my pay today. Shock. Not enough to cover both my rent and my childcare.
Utility bills sitting beside my computer...and I can't even bring myself to look at those suckers.

Thankfully, though, my birthday is tomorrow. My mother sent me $100.
So my present this year?
I get to pay my babysitter.

I think it may be time to pack it in...
I'm missing my small-town Ontario an awful lot right now.

Working the midnight shift, but now the sun is just starting to come up.
I've got a few minutes where I can take the time to say "Thanks for your comments."
Later on, when I have days off, I'll write to each of you...personally.

I am filled with gratitude right now. One of my youths came back last night. When this one is not here, I worry about what's happening in his/her life. Too young to be living on the streets. And I admire this tough cookie...aged 13. This one isn't taking any crap from anybody...
I love the fighting spirit.

I came across this website last night while I was working a midnight shift.
Left me speechless (but then again, there was no one to talk to...other than myself).
My intentions are, I think, honorable. I work in a youth shelter. Fairly new to this job. A very emotional job, as well.
Always wondering...Does anything we do (shelter workers) really make a difference?
As we follow policies and procedure, government-mandated guidelines, are we doing something useful, purposeful...or are we just spinning our wheels?