To OD or not to OD...
I found out today that another friend OD'd this past week. he wasn't a close friend, but it breaks my heart nonetheless.
weirdly enough, i almost feel a sense of guilt when i hear that someone has passed from drugs. i spent my life struggling with them, and i wonder "Why was it me, and not him, that got away?" or "He was a good kid, he could've done it if he tried". it kills me because we get attracted to this stuff so young, and by the time we hit 25, we're ravaged more than most 50 yr olds. someone could argue that life is life or shit happens. PISS ON THAT! Im angry because the option of getting out of it was there... there's NO reason. no, im angry because the option is there, but he wasn't able to accept it yet and now things are finalized.
I know we've become immune to people dropping around us like flies, but this is pretty much a weekly thing for me.
Another friend of mine went through a year of Interferon for his Hep C and got cured... only to OD the following week.
Another, had a prostitute work his shot and he OD'd him for the $20 that he had left in his wallet.
I'm sure there are so many more that i haven't even heard about since being off of the streets, but im not immune.
are we satisfied?
Some people like to say that we all make our own choices... and that's true enough, I suppose, in the end.
But what is more important, I think, than the choices that are made, are the options that one sees.
It's easy to say that this person or that person made poor choices, and so they deserve their fate. But what if the person made what he/she believed at the time to be the best choice from a few ugly options?
If a 13 year old girl is being raped by her uncle, maybe the streets - and prostitution - seem like a better option than continuing to be raped by her uncle.
People who don't understand seem to believe that everyone has positive, healthy choices available to them. But this is not always the case. Sometimes the positive, healthy choices are simply not practically feasible. Sometimes they are not emotionally, or psychologically, feasible.
I'm not for a second inferring that you are one who doesn't understand that positive options are not always feasible. You've been there - you know what it's about.
But I just got to thinking how many of the people who are disconnected don't understand that not everyone sees positive options.
Hell - to see positive options, one first must believe - believe in oneself, and believe that something positive is possible.
When tragedies like the one you mention occur, it is because, for one reason or another, this belief wasn't present.
And so the best thing I feel one can do for another is help them to believe.
And god knows that ain't easy...
i totally agree with you. it just sucks. i wish we could all have the opportunity to have positive options available to us, or atleast live until they're available.
i was lucky at 23 to already have those options entering my life, after so long with only shitty ones.
i guess it simply comes down to 'what if...', right?
I think the positive options are always there... just not always seen.
Some are fortunate and see them before it's too late. Others aren't so fortunate.
I guess what I'm saying is that, for example, getting clean is always an option for any user. But they may not see it as an option - for a number of reasons. It's like that option is there - but, from the perspective of some (most) users, there is a very thick blanket of fog obscuring it. They can't see through the fog...
I dunno... it's tough to explain coherently.
I guess if it was easily explained, more people would figure it out...