How can things get this ridiculously bad?!?!
so i come back to van from travelling been clean for 4 months get back together with my ex girlfriend. she then proceeds to go crazy freak out and keep all my shit and break up with me.....at which part i am HEART BROKEN i really LOVED this girl.........................Ok i think whatever it woulda happened anyways... but then the next day i find out that my father died of a heart attack in the morning.............I can honestly still say o dont feel anything.....its weird is it bad???so then i decide to Go smash a half gram of meth intop my veins, i stopped caring but im just delaying the inevitablei dont know when im gonna cry but i do know that eventually this is gonna hurt ALOT.. Fuck im now all alone noone in the world with me in the pouring rain..cold nothing left..........i dont wanna relapse but i can see myself wanting to when all i have in the world is misery and pain........................
so glad you reached out, ive been wondering how you were doing, you havent posted in a while.
hang on. the first thing is to not beat yourself up over the slip of using. that is the cycle that will get you back to where you were before. shit happens, you feel bad, you use, you feel bad you used, you use again....
my question for you is how did you stop before, what kept you clean? go back to those things, remember those things. if it was meetings go to one, if you have other supports contact them, remember why you choose to get clean.
from what you wrote you are grieving. your relationship and your dad. whether you feel it now or not it will hit you and you need to have some support around you when it does. focus on what you do have, what is not lost and (i know its easier said then done) hang onto those things, use this as an opportunity to create closeness with the people who you care about and who care about you.
drugs use these moments (when things go to shit) to convince you to go back to using, that everything is shit and that it will always be like that.
you know better, you are smarter, you are stronger and there is a reason you were clean for 4 months. im guessing there were things about being clean you liked, things you were able to do that you wernt able to do when you were loaded, remember those things. ive read your blogs before, your a smart guy, insightful and determined to have the life you deserve. dont let this moment in time take that away from you.
stay strong and keep reaching out. if you stay in van and need some support you can send me a private message.
If love won't keep you clean try hate for awhile. Don't act on it but let it's resoluteness tide you over till something else can give you the strength to fight the urge to hurt yourself [or anyone else].
Drugs can be viewed as a medicine to fill that empty spot you know where inside yourself. Fill it with the least detrimental substitute for joy that you can get. Meth is definitely one of the most detrimental to your brain and body. For a while most anything is better than that, like alcohol, but just smoke plenty of pot if you can get by with just that.
Interests are one of the best tools for NOT THINKING about escape through drug abuse. DO WHAT INTERESTS YOU. Whatever it is that you like that won't get you into trouble or hurt others. Fish, play cards, read, talk with folks, work on stuff, ANYTHING to not sit around and wish you were fucked up.
As you think so you are. So think about anything other than the substance you've been relying on when things aren't going your way.
And if that fails do the medicine you'll have the least trouble from, like pot. It's a matter of putting time between you and your bad habits and it'll get easier every day, LONG AS YOU DON'T DWELL ON IT.
"Just say no"? Simplistic bullshit from a scoundrel of an amerikan first lady, asshole rayguns wife. Don't believe it!
Sometimes chemicals within FORCE us to fuck up. Deal with it in the least harmful manner [drug] possible, till you slowly work yourself away from it.
Be kind to yourself. Just take baby steps away from the meth till your striding like a man miles from it. With no intentions [thoughts] towards turning back.
I've got a brother and a cousin who are gone because of it. I hope you fare well...
Dude...
im really sorry fer your loss.
life is shit.
but i think you can deal with it.
roll with the punches .
be strong.
dont give up.
anyaxxx
Power is given only to those who dare to lower themselves and pick it up. -Doestoeivsky
8-) best wich for hope faith and courage !