We all fall one by one.

So last week a very close friend of mine passed away...
when he was on the streets he was using heroin...
i then worked my hardest with him to get him out of it, he was so much better then that..when kay and i went travelling we emailed him everyday to make sure he was alright, when we got back he had done so well... cleaned up his life..got himself a place, got off the drugs...was getting in touch with his native routes...and like, looking for a job... he was one of my best friends and i was never prouder of someone... the past couple weeks i had seen him he said he was really happy.. he had moved into his moms house, and starting to have a good relationship with her... apparently she had gone to work, and he used... and it stopped his heart..last monday...
i just found out, and caught the end of his memorial..
and im not sure exacly how to feel...
ive spent the last few days mourning, contemplating... crying...
and then accepting...

i know hes gone, and i know it hurts..
and i try to think that all my friends who have passed are in a better place and that it had to happen or something because if there was a god it was gods plan.. i guess...
but this just doesnt make sense to me..
its not fair,

because i feel if he was on the streets and this happened...
someone could have saved him like the other 2 times his heart had stopped...
and so now i feel guilty..
and i just dont know how to try and make light of the situation of justify it...

were dropping off like flies...