The quiet realization; it replaces the quiet revolution.

The quiet realization; it replaces the quiet revolution.
 
Where is all this going? I have yet to figure out what this is all about. Does it really matter? Everything is a system, everything is an order; a safety net throughout all this chaos. That’s the way we are – so fickle, so trivial, so afraid. But what else is there?
 
To ‘be’. To ‘inter-be’ –- to ‘be’ with a whole bunch of other ‘bees’ –- to ‘be’ all together –- all ‘being’ parts of a whole. It’s an interesting message; an interesting concept. Whatever.
 
I’m always working towards this conception of my own that at some point all of this will make sense. That I’ll understand the larger picture, and I’ll feel better –- I’ll be more confident because I’ll have all the answers. I stand here right now, and, I don’t know if that’s ever coming… I don’t think there are any guarantees.
 
I am constantly torn between these fleeting desires that crave my mind’s attention. Each one urging to be acknowledged, contemplated, and furthered. At every point in my life I am surrounded by these “things”. Products announcing happiness: the fulfillment and attainment of dreams, desires and goals through purchases. Each one representing the next step in my “wanting process” as a consumer. How stupid do they think I am?
 
But I am not these things – I am not these messages. I am not who they want me to be, or how they want me to feel. If anything, I am the remainder; if there can ever be such a thing. I am the remainder, and my reflection is the “whole”. Equal parts to something greater that neither side can ever understand – yet something who’s understanding each side craves.
 
Are these things real which I see before me? I did not give rise to them; and indeed I would not have. For my construction would have been altogether more meaningful than these “things” before me.
 
And then there’s this illusory hand that guides me forward; its fixation on me unwavering. Where does it lead? What end have I created for my self? Have I created an end, or simply a continuation? Is there some end which exists beyond my powers of creation? An end which no matter how hard I fight I cannot affect? Or am I lost in an endless battle against my self –- where that unmistakable end is never an opponent and instead I unknowingly fight my self? Toiling, tiring; is it always my self I fight? Always “I” withholding the ever-elusive answers I seek? For indeed if there is no opponent save my self, then perhaps I should surrender. I should cease all resistance and reconvene with the initial question.
Where is this all going?
 
The end.
 
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality...

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JNEP – 28/07/08